Friendship is one of the most beautiful aspects of life. It brings joy, support, and companionship. But in Nigeria, where cultural, societal, and economic factors heavily influence relationships, friendships can sometimes go sour. Many people have had friends who turned into strangers overnight, and some have experienced deep betrayals that left them questioning the essence of true friendship.
So, why do friendships fail in Nigeria? Let's break it down in detail. This post will explore the top five reasons friendships don't last and how to avoid these pitfalls.
1. Money Matters – The Root of Many Broken Friendships
Money is one of the biggest reasons friendships in Nigeria fail. Whether it's borrowing and refusing to pay back, being too entitled, or feeling used, financial issues often drive a wedge between friends.
Borrowing and Not Paying Back
Many Nigerian friendships have ended because of money owed. One friend borrows money and promises to pay back but never does. The lender starts feeling cheated, and resentment builds up. You will often hear statements like:
- "I just borrowed him small money, and now he's acting like I don’t exist."
- "Since I lent her that 50k, she has been dodging my calls!"
When money becomes a problem, trust is lost, and the friendship suffers.
One-Sided Financial Expectations
Some people believe that because their friend is financially stable, they should always be the one footing the bill. They expect free lunch, free rides, and endless support without contributing anything in return. Over time, this breeds resentment.
How to Avoid This:
- Only lend what you can afford to lose.
- If you borrow, ensure you repay on time.
- Have clear financial boundaries with your friends.
2. Jealousy and Competition
Another major reason friendships fail in Nigeria is jealousy. This can come in different forms:
- A friend gets a good job, and instead of celebrating, the other friend starts acting distant.
- Someone starts a successful business, and their friend begins to feel insecure.
- One friend gets married or relocates abroad, and suddenly, the friendship changes.
The "Village People" Mentality
In Nigeria, some people believe that their friends’ success means they are being left behind. Instead of being happy, they start making snide comments:
- "Na because you don get car naim you no dey call person again."
- "Since she marry rich man, she don change."
This type of mentality kills friendships. Instead of supporting each other, some people secretly pray for their friends to fail.
How to Avoid This:
- Celebrate your friends' successes.
- Understand that everyone has their own time to shine.
- Don’t compare your journey with someone else’s.
3. Lack of Communication and Misunderstandings
Poor communication is another major reason friendships fail. Many friendships end over small misunderstandings that could have been resolved with a simple conversation.
Gossip and Backbiting
Gossip has destroyed more friendships than anything else. A friend hears something about you, instead of asking you directly, they believe it and start acting funny. Sometimes, people spread false information out of jealousy or spite.
Examples:
- A friend tells another, "I heard she was talking bad about you."
- Someone assumes their friend is ignoring them without confirming.
Before you know it, what was once a strong friendship turns into cold war.
Making Assumptions Instead of Talking Things Out
In Nigeria, people sometimes assume things instead of clarifying. If a friend doesn’t text back, instead of asking why, some assume:
- "Maybe she thinks she's better than me now."
- "He must have found new friends and forgotten me."
These assumptions lead to unnecessary fights and the gradual breakdown of friendships.
How to Avoid This:
- Always clarify misunderstandings directly.
- Avoid spreading or believing gossip without evidence.
- Be open and honest about your feelings.
4. Unrealistic Expectations and Entitlement
Some friendships fail because people expect too much from each other. Some expect their friends to always be available, to prioritize them over family, or to constantly do favors.
Emotional Entitlement
Some friends expect you to always listen to their problems but never check on you. They call when they need advice, but when you need support, they’re nowhere to be found. Over time, this one-sided relationship leads to frustration.
Overdependence
There are friends who become overly dependent on others. They expect their friends to solve all their problems. This puts pressure on the friendship and often leads to resentment.
How to Avoid This:
- Understand that friendships should be mutually beneficial.
- Don’t expect your friend to always be available.
- Respect personal boundaries.
5. Betrayal and Disloyalty
Betrayal is one of the hardest things to forgive in a friendship. It comes in many forms:
- A friend shares your secrets with others.
- A friend backstabs you for their own gain.
- A friend betrays your trust in a moment of weakness.
Romantic Betrayal
Many Nigerian friendships have ended because of relationships. Someone starts dating their friend’s ex, or a friend secretly dates someone their friend likes. This type of betrayal is painful and often irreparable.
Fake Friends
Some people pretend to be your friend but secretly dislike you. They smile in your face but talk bad behind your back. When something bad happens to you, instead of supporting you, they secretly celebrate.
How to Avoid This:
- Be careful who you trust.
- Don’t share personal information with everyone.
- Pay attention to how your friends behave when you are struggling versus when you are succeeding.
Conclusion
Friendships are beautiful, but they require effort, honesty, and mutual respect. If you notice your friendships failing, check if any of these five issues are the cause. By being mindful of financial boundaries, avoiding jealousy, improving communication, setting realistic expectations, and staying loyal, you can maintain strong and lasting friendships.
Have you ever lost a friendship in Nigeria? What was the reason? Share your experiences in the comment section!