If you’ve found yourself caught up in a situationship, you know the drill: you're not exactly in a relationship, but it feels like you're more than just friends. You’ve spent time together, shared intimate moments, and may even have talked about your future, but there’s no clear label, commitment, or definition of where things stand. The uncertainty can be frustrating and emotionally draining, leaving you questioning where you’re headed.
In Nigeria, where relationships often come with specific cultural expectations about dating, marriage, and family involvement, situationships are not only common—they can be particularly complicated. It’s easy to get stuck in one due to societal pressures, family expectations, or a fear of confrontation. If you’ve come to the realization that you need to end your situationship but don’t know where to start, you’re in the right place.
Ending a situationship isn’t as easy as just saying goodbye. The lack of definition around the relationship can make the process feel like a breakup, but without the clear-cut closure that comes with a formal breakup. People often find themselves stuck in situationships because they fear confrontation, or they don’t know how to navigate the emotional complexity of the relationship.
But here’s the truth: You have the right to want clarity, emotional security, and to define what you need in a relationship. You deserve to be with someone who is as committed to you as you are to them, and if your partner isn’t ready for that, it’s time to move on.
In this guide, I’ll share real and practical steps for ending a situationship in a way that feels empowering, respectful, and true to your own needs. Let’s dive in.
1. Understand Why You Want to End It
Before you take any steps toward ending a situationship, it’s crucial to first understand why you want to end it. This is an important step, as it will give you the clarity you need to move forward in a healthy way. Without this self-awareness, you might find yourself confused or second-guessing your decision later on.
The Emotional Cost of Ambiguity
Ambiguity in a situationship can cause emotional burnout. While some people may thrive in casual, non-committed relationships, others find that the lack of a clear definition causes unnecessary emotional strain. You might feel stuck, waiting for your partner to make up their mind about the future, or worse, caught in the cycle of uncertainty.
If you're constantly questioning the future of the relationship—wondering whether you're just a casual fling or if there’s potential for something more—you may be feeling emotionally drained or frustrated. These feelings are valid, and they often signal that it’s time to address the issue head-on.
Here are a few key questions to help you clarify your reasons for ending the situationship:
- Are you feeling emotionally unfulfilled? If you’re always giving, but not receiving the emotional commitment or affection you need, it’s a red flag.
- Do you want something more serious? If you’re looking for a committed relationship, and your partner isn’t on the same page, staying in the situationship is only delaying the inevitable.
- Are you tired of the mixed signals? If your partner’s actions don’t align with their words, or if you feel like you're constantly being put on the backburner, the relationship is not balanced.
- Do you feel like you’re settling? If you’re staying in the situation for fear of being alone or because you're afraid of being judged by others, it’s time to reconsider your priorities.
2. Acknowledge the Emotional Impact
Ending a situationship isn’t just about cutting ties or moving on—it’s also about acknowledging the emotional impact the relationship has had on you. While it’s easy to think that because you were never officially in a relationship, it doesn’t "count" in terms of emotions, the truth is that it still affects you.
In Nigerian culture, where communal living and relationships are often intertwined with family expectations, the emotional investment in a situationship can be even more significant. Even if you never explicitly defined the relationship, you might have developed deep feelings for your partner. And it’s okay to grieve the end of that emotional connection.
The Importance of Emotional Validation
Before you act, validate your feelings. It’s common to feel guilty, confused, or even angry after ending a situationship, especially if your partner doesn't see things the same way. Remember, your feelings are real and valid. Don’t dismiss or suppress them. Take time to reflect on how you feel and why you feel that way.
Emotional Self-Care After the Breakup
Once you’ve decided to end the situationship, take care of your emotional well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy, spend time with friends who truly understand you, and lean on your support system. Emotional healing often requires distance, time, and self-reflection. The more space you give yourself, the easier it will be to process and understand your emotions.
3. Have a Serious Conversation
This is often the hardest step: confronting your partner and having an honest conversation about the situation. In Nigeria, there is a tendency to avoid difficult or confrontational conversations, especially when it involves relationships. However, the key to ending a situationship in a healthy way is clear communication.
How to Start the Conversation
A direct, honest conversation can feel awkward, but it’s necessary for both you and your partner to get closure. Here’s how you can approach it:
- Be Honest but Gentle: Speak from the heart. Avoid blaming or accusing your partner. Instead, focus on how you’re feeling. For example, say, “I’ve been thinking about where we stand, and I feel like I need more clarity and commitment than we currently have.” This way, you’re expressing your needs without attacking your partner.
- Avoid the “Blame Game”: Relationships are complicated, and it’s not about placing blame. Instead, focus on your own emotional needs and the situation as a whole. Understand that your partner may have different feelings or be at a different stage in life.
- Respect Their Feelings: While it’s important to be clear about your own feelings, also recognize that your partner might be hurt, confused, or resistant. Give them space to process their own emotions, but don’t let guilt keep you in a situation that’s no longer working for you.
Handling Pushback
It’s important to anticipate that your partner may not take the news well. They may want to continue the situationship or push for an explanation. In this case, you can stand firm in your decision while being empathetic. For instance, you might say, “I understand this is hard, but I’ve been feeling like this for a while. I think it’s time for me to move on.”
4. Set Boundaries (And Stick to Them)
After the conversation, it’s crucial to set and enforce boundaries. Ending a situationship is about more than just cutting ties verbally; it requires action. Boundaries are necessary to help both you and your partner move on.
Types of Boundaries You Might Need
Physical Boundaries: If you’ve been physically intimate, you may need to create space between each other. This can mean not hanging out as frequently, reducing physical contact, or taking a break from seeing each other altogether.
Digital Boundaries: In today’s world, it’s easy to stay connected through social media or texting. However, after ending a situationship, you might need to unfollow them on Instagram or Facebook, mute their WhatsApp messages, or stop texting altogether. This gives you the emotional space to move on without constantly being reminded of the relationship.
Emotional Boundaries: Don’t engage in conversations that are too emotionally intimate. It might be tempting to reach out to them when you’re feeling lonely or vulnerable, but keep the interactions brief and impersonal. Avoid discussions that reopen emotional wounds.
5. Give Yourself Time to Heal
Even after you’ve ended the situationship, you may feel like there’s still unfinished business. It's crucial to give yourself permission to grieve the loss of the connection. Healing is a process, and it takes time.
Practical Healing Steps
Reflect on What You’ve Learned: Take some time to reflect on the situationship and what it taught you about your emotional needs. Did you learn that you need a partner who values consistency? Did you realize that you need space to grow independently?
Reaffirm Your Worth: Remind yourself that you are worthy of a fulfilling relationship. Situationships can sometimes make us question our value, but don’t let this experience define you.
Engage in Activities that Help You Grow: Now is the time to focus on personal development. Whether it’s picking up a new hobby, investing in your career, or learning something new, turn your attention inward and grow as an individual.
6. Avoid Rebound Relationships
It’s common for people to jump into new relationships immediately after ending a situationship to avoid feeling lonely. However, this can often lead to rebound relationships, where you’re not truly invested in the new person, and you may unintentionally bring unresolved emotions from your past relationship into the new one.
Instead of rushing into another relationship, take the time to heal and rediscover who you are outside of any romantic context. Focus on building your confidence, strengthening your friendships, and taking care of your mental health. When you’re emotionally ready, you’ll be in a much better place to enter a healthy and committed relationship.
7. Handle the Post-Endings Gracefully
Once you've ended the situationship, you're likely to face some awkwardness, whether it's mutual friends or situations where you run into your ex-partner. This can be especially challenging if your mutual social circles or family dynamics are involved. But handling things with grace is key to maintaining your peace of mind and emotional well-being.
How to Maintain Grace After the End
Respectful Distance: It's important to maintain a respectful distance after the situationship ends. Avoid lingering conversations or emotional interactions that could reopen wounds. If you happen to cross paths, keep the encounter short and polite. Don’t engage in unnecessary small talk unless it’s absolutely required.
Don’t Badmouth Them: In the heat of the moment, it might be tempting to vent about your ex-partner to your friends or family, especially if you feel hurt or misunderstood. However, talking negatively about them, even if you’re justified, doesn’t help you heal. It can make the situation more uncomfortable and prolong your emotional distress. Focus on your feelings and what you learned, rather than blaming or criticizing them. When you focus on your personal growth, it empowers you.
Don’t Revisit the Past: In some cases, it might be tempting to contact your ex to revisit old conversations or emotions. Resist the temptation. Remember, you’ve decided to end the situation because it wasn’t fulfilling your emotional needs. Revisiting the past might make it harder to heal and move on.
Keep the Closure to Yourself: One of the hardest things to manage after ending a situationship is the desire to provide closure to the other person or seek closure for yourself. However, remember that closure doesn’t always have to come from the other person. It comes from within you. Accept that it’s okay to move on without receiving everything you wanted from the relationship.
8. Learn from the Experience
Every experience, whether it’s positive or negative, offers valuable lessons. Ending a situationship can teach you a lot about yourself, your needs, and the kind of relationships you want in the future. Instead of focusing solely on the emotional pain of the situation, take time to reflect on what the experience has taught you.
Key Lessons to Reflect On
Know What You Want in a Relationship: Situationships can leave you questioning what you really want in a partner. Reflect on the qualities that are important to you—whether it’s communication, commitment, or emotional availability. Moving forward, be clear with yourself about what you're looking for and don’t settle for less.
Trust Your Instincts: Many people stay in situationships because they ignore red flags or dismiss their gut feelings. This experience can teach you to trust your intuition. If something doesn’t feel right, listen to that inner voice. Trusting your instincts will help you avoid unhealthy dynamics in the future.
Communication Is Key: One of the biggest issues in situationships is often a lack of communication. Learning how to clearly communicate your needs and boundaries is essential. The better you are at articulating what you want and need, the less likely you are to get stuck in an ambiguous situation again.
Don’t Be Afraid to Be Single: Sometimes, people stay in situationships because they fear being alone or they’re afraid of societal pressure. However, being single is an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. It gives you the time and space to focus on yourself, your goals, and your emotional well-being.
9. Moving Forward: A Fresh Start
After ending a situationship, you may feel a sense of liberation, but there could also be moments of loneliness, doubt, or confusion. The good news is that you are now free to pursue healthier, more fulfilling relationships—whether with yourself or with a future partner. Remember, it’s okay to take things slow as you step into the next chapter of your life.
Rebuilding Yourself After the End
Rediscover Yourself: Sometimes, being in a situationship can cause you to lose sight of who you are. You may have compromised on your values or neglected your own needs in the hopes of making the relationship work. Now is the time to rediscover what makes you happy, what you’re passionate about, and what your goals are outside of any romantic relationship. This self-awareness will empower you in your future relationships.
Focus on Your Goals: Whether it’s your career, education, or personal development, this is the perfect time to channel your energy into things that will help you grow as a person. Whether it’s taking a course, traveling, or pursuing a new career path, your growth is in your hands. Focus on becoming the best version of yourself.
Reconnect with Family and Friends: Sometimes, during a situationship, your focus can shift too much toward the person you’re involved with, leaving other important relationships in the background. After the end of a situationship, reconnect with your family and friends. Spend quality time with people who support and love you for who you are.
10. The Road to Healthier Relationships
It’s easy to get discouraged after ending a situationship, especially if you felt emotionally invested and disappointed. But don’t lose hope. Ending a situationship is a sign of growth and maturity. You’re making space for something better, and that is an act of self-love.
Here are a few final tips for moving forward into healthier relationships:
Be Clear About Your Relationship Needs: Moving forward, make sure you’re clear about what you need in a relationship. If you want commitment, don’t settle for anything less. Be honest with your potential partners from the outset about your desires, and make sure you’re aligned in terms of what you want.
Practice Healthy Communication: Healthy communication is the foundation of any successful relationship. Learn to communicate openly and honestly about your feelings, needs, and boundaries. Don't shy away from difficult conversations, but address them with respect and maturity.
Know Your Worth: Never forget that you deserve a partner who values and respects you. Don’t settle for half-hearted affection or ambiguous relationships. Know that your worth is not determined by the status of any relationship. You are worthy of love, commitment, and mutual respect.
Don’t Fear Solitude: Sometimes, the fear of being alone can cause us to settle for less than we deserve. But solitude is a powerful tool for growth and reflection. Being single gives you the time to focus on yourself, and it allows you to enter future relationships from a place of strength and self-love.
Conclusion
Ending a situationship is never easy, especially when emotions are involved. But remember, clarity and commitment are essential for a healthy relationship. If you're not getting the emotional investment and commitment you deserve, then it's time to move on.
Trust that by choosing to end the situationship, you’re making space for healthier, more fulfilling relationships—whether with yourself or with a partner who is ready to give you the love and respect you deserve. You’re choosing to prioritize your emotional well-being, and that’s something to be proud of.
In Nigerian culture, where there’s often an unspoken expectation to conform to traditional views on relationships and marriage, it’s crucial to break free from the pressures that make us settle for less. Stay true to your needs, communicate honestly, and never be afraid to walk away from a situation that doesn’t serve you.
You are worthy of real love, and you deserve a relationship where both partners are equally invested, honest, and ready to build something meaningful together. The journey to healthier relationships starts with knowing when it’s time to walk away from a situationship.