My Encounters with the Processes
I will carefully break my encounters down bit by bit here for easier understanding and most especially learning;
The Guest List
When we first sat down to draft our guest list, my wife and I confidently wrote down 150 names. As We want something small and intimate, but by the second week, the list had ballooned to 400 names and all seemed like family.
Apparently, my mum had promised half the women in her church they’d be invited. My dad had also hinted to his golf buddies that their presence was expected.
Lesson Learned
- Start with your ‘must-have’ guests: close family, friends, and essential stakeholders.
- Also make plans for uninvited people that must show up.
- Set boundaries early. Nigerian families believe weddings are community events, but your pocket will be the one crying at the end. My uncle taught me that, no matter how you try to carry everyone along, they must complain. So do your stuff as you can and get ready to app later.
Picking the Perfect Venue
If you ever dream of planning your wedding during feasting period, get ready to be disappointed. In fact, I can say it's a game of luck and speed. In Nigeria, during feasting periods, venues are snatched up faster than tickets to a Burna Boy concert. You would think all the adults in the village were given the task of planning their weddings on the same weekend. By the time we found a hall, the only available date was a random Thursday.
Lesson Learned
- Start searching for your venue as soon as you get engaged, for people in cities and maybe earlier enough for people in the villages where weddings are not too often.
- Don’t settle for the first hall you see. Compare prices, amenities and most importantly —check if the air conditioning works or if the hall is well ventilated! Visit your venue during an actual event if possible. You’ll see how it looks in real-time chaos.
- Have a backup plan. Nigerian weather does not respect outdoor weddings, and rain has no remorse.
Vendors
From the caterer to the DJ, photographer, and makeup artist—vendors can make or break your wedding. Some are professional, while others will use you to learn work.
Below is a summary of all I encountered with my vendors;
- The caterer suddenly increased her price two weeks before the wedding.
- The DJ thought blasting ‘Zazu Zeh’ at maximum volume during the father-daughter dance was appropriate.
- The photographer kept asking for “one more pose” while my wife's feet was seriously paining her
- MC wahala no de finish
Lesson Learned
- Make sure you have an active committee that can look into all different aspects or a trusted event planner.
- Never forget to sign contracts with your vendors. Nigerian vendors are sweet talkers but contracts will hold them accountable.
- Ask for recommendations from past brides. Instagram photos can lie, but a friend’s review rarely does.
- Pay in installments. Never, ever pay 100% upfront.
Family Expectations
If there is one thing you cannot escape during Nigerian wedding planning, it is people's opinions. From the color of the aso-ebi to whether or not you must include "Akara and moi-moi" in the menu—everyone will have something to say.
My Experience
- My aunt insisted I must wear three outfits during the reception, even as she is not footing the bills.
- My mother-in-law wanted a live band and a DJ, but wouldn't contribute any penny.
Lesson Learned
- Stand your ground on non-negotiables. If you want a simple white cake, don’t let anyone guilt-trip you into adding ten tiers. Include your family in small but meaningful roles. It makes them feel included without derailing your vision.
- Don't forget to clearly define the kind of wedding you have in mind to the knowledge of everyone to avoid unsolicited opinions.
Budgeting
Weddings can be expensive, especially when you intend to impress people or set a standard. Even more so. Between the aso-ebi, decorations, best wedding souvenir, photography and that one uncle who insists on a bottle of Hennessy at every table, budget will run into millions without even getting the necessary things.
Lesson Learned
- Create a realistic budget and add a ‘miscellaneous’ column because surprise expenses will come.
- Discuss finances with your partner openly for possible help. Hidden debts and wedding stress are not a good idea.
The Big Day
After months of stress, planning and negotiations, the day arrived. And guess what? Not everything went perfectly. The DJ played the wrong song during our entrance, the deco group finished late. But you know what? It didn’t matter.
Lesson Learned
- Weddings can be messy and unpredictable, but they are also magical. Because that feeling on that day cannot be compared to anything in the world, provided you didn't allow all those mistakes bother you.
- Focus on your partner, soak in every moment and dance like nobody’s watching. That's the best way to be the happiest.
Conclusion
Planning a Nigerian wedding is not for the faint-hearted. It’s an emotional, financial and physical marathon. But at the end of the day, when you see your loved ones laughing, dancing and celebrating your love, it’s worth every moment.
If you’re planning your Nigerian wedding, remember: breathe, laugh, and don’t let the stress steal your joy. After all, ‘Naija no dey carry last!’