In this blog post, we will take an in-depth look at some of the most common parenting mistakes Nigerian parents make, why they are harmful, and practical ways to avoid them. Whether you are a parent already or planning to become one, this article will open your eyes to things you may not have noticed.
1. Comparing Their Children to Others
Ah! This one is very rampant in Nigerian homes. How many times have you heard a parent say, “See your mate, he got all A’s. What is wrong with you?” Some parents even go as far as comparing their children to the neighbour’s child, the cousin living in Abuja, or a classmate they’ve never even met.
While the intention behind comparison may be to motivate the child to do better, it often has the opposite effect. Constant comparison makes children feel inadequate, breeds resentment, and can destroy their confidence. Every child is unique, with different strengths, talents, and paces of learning. As a parent, appreciating your child’s individuality and focusing on their personal growth is more productive than comparing them to others.
2. Using Harsh Words and Verbal Abuse
Unfortunately, many Nigerian parents believe the harsher they talk, the more disciplined the child will become. Statements like “You are useless”, “I regret giving birth to you”, or “You will never amount to anything” are carelessly thrown around during moments of anger or frustration.
These words cut deep and often stay with children well into adulthood. Verbal abuse may not leave physical scars, but the emotional wounds are far worse. Nigerian parents must understand that words are powerful and should be used to build, not to destroy.
3. Overemphasis on Academic Success
“My child must become a doctor, lawyer, or engineer!” Sounds familiar, right? Nigerian parents often measure success solely by academic achievements and prestigious careers. Children are pressured to top their class, even if it’s not their natural strength or passion.
While education is important, an overemphasis on academics without room for creativity, talents, or emotional development can stifle a child’s potential. Not every child is wired to be a bookworm. Some may thrive in arts, sports, or entrepreneurship. Parents need to strike a balance—encourage good grades, yes, but also nurture other aspects of their child's life.
4. Lack of Open Communication
Many Nigerian homes operate under the “children should be seen, not heard” policy. Parents act like demigods, and the idea of sitting down to have an open conversation with their children is almost nonexistent.
This leads to a communication gap where children feel unable to share their fears, mistakes, or even achievements. As a result, they end up confiding in outsiders who may not have their best interests at heart. Nigerian parents must learn to create a safe space where children can freely express themselves without fear of judgment or punishment.
5. Physical Punishment as the First Option
Let’s be honest, beating has been the go-to disciplinary method in most Nigerian households. From koboko to slippers, many of us grew up knowing that one wrong move could result in a serious spanking.
While discipline is necessary, always resorting to physical punishment teaches children to fear rather than respect. It may correct immediate behavior, but it does not address the root cause of the child’s action. Alternatives like dialogue, setting clear boundaries, and consistent consequences are often more effective and less damaging in the long run.
6. Projecting Their Unfulfilled Dreams Onto Their Children
Some parents try to live vicariously through their children, forcing them into career paths or lifestyles they themselves couldn’t achieve. For instance, a parent who wanted to be a doctor might push their child relentlessly into medicine, even if the child has no interest in it.
While it’s natural to want the best for your child, trying to fulfill your personal dreams through them can lead to frustration, rebellion, or a life of unhappiness for the child. It’s important to allow children to discover and pursue their passions while providing guidance and support.
7. Ignoring Mental Health
In Nigeria, mental health is still largely misunderstood or ignored. Many parents think depression, anxiety, or stress are “oyinbo” problems. If a child shows signs of emotional struggle, it’s often dismissed with statements like “Go and pray” or “You’re just being lazy.”
This mentality can lead to bigger problems down the line. Children need emotional support, just as much as physical and academic support. Parents should be observant and sensitive to their children’s moods, and if necessary, seek professional help without shame.
8. Overprotectiveness
While wanting to shield your child from harm is understandable, being overprotective can hinder their growth and independence. Some Nigerian parents micromanage every aspect of their children’s lives—from who they talk to, to what they wear, and even what career they should pursue.
This often results in children who are unable to make decisions, stand up for themselves, or handle challenges when they arise. A better approach is to teach children responsibility, decision-making skills, and allow them to make mistakes and learn from them.
9. Using Fear Instead of Respect
Many Nigerian parents mistake fear for respect. They believe their child should tremble at their sight, or else they are “spoiling” them. Unfortunately, parenting based on fear creates distance, secrecy, and resentment.
True respect is earned through understanding, consistency, fairness, and love—not through threats and intimidation. Nigerian parents should focus on building a relationship where respect is mutual, not forced.
10. Neglecting Quality Time
Life in Nigeria can be hectic. Parents are busy chasing careers, businesses, and hustling to provide for their families. While this is commendable, it often leads to neglecting quality bonding time with children.
Providing food, school fees, and clothing is not enough. Children crave attention, affection, and connection. Spending time with them, listening to their stories, playing, or even helping them with homework goes a long way in building trust and love.
11. Allowing Cultural Stereotypes to Dictate Parenting
Our Nigerian culture is rich, but not all cultural practices are healthy. Some parents raise children based on outdated gender roles or harmful traditions. For instance, insisting that boys shouldn’t cry or girls should only focus on marriage and homemaking limits children’s potential.
Parenting should evolve with time. Teaching both boys and girls empathy, life skills, emotional intelligence, and self-reliance is essential in today’s world.
12. Not Leading by Example
If you want your child to be respectful, kind, responsible, and disciplined, you must embody those traits. Actions speak louder than words.
Conclusion
Parenting is not an exact science, and nobody has it all figured out. But by becoming aware of these common mistakes and consciously working to correct them, Nigerian parents can raise children who are not just academically successful but emotionally balanced, confident, and happy.
The future of our country lies in how well we raise the next generation. Let’s start today by reflecting on our parenting styles and making positive changes, one step at a time.
If you found this post helpful, kindly share it with other parents or soon-to-be parents. Let’s raise a generation we’ll be proud of!