Parenting toddlers can feel like an emotional rollercoaster. One moment, you’re marveling at their innocent laughter; the next, you’re breaking up a tantrum over a broken cookie. As Nigerian parents, many of us grew up with strict disciplinary approaches—often leaning on physical punishments or stern warnings. But times have changed, and research now shows that positive discipline is a more effective and nurturing way to guide our little ones.
Positive discipline doesn’t mean letting your toddler run wild or turning a blind eye to bad behavior. Instead, it’s about teaching them self-control, emotional intelligence, and problem-solving skills—all with love and respect. Let’s explore how you can apply these strategies in ways that align with both modern principles and our rich Nigerian culture.
1. Understanding Toddlers
Toddlers are not "adults in training." They are curious, impulsive, and still learning to navigate the world around them. A toddler spilling water or refusing to share toys isn’t "bad behavior" but part of their natural development.
Cultural Perspective
In many Nigerian homes, children are expected to act responsibly early on, especially if they are "the firstborn." However, it’s important to recognize that toddlers need time and patience to develop the skills we expect of them.
Practical Tip
If your toddler spills water, instead of scolding them with "Why are you so careless?" try saying, "Oh no, the water spilled! Let’s clean it up together." This teaches accountability without shaming.
2. The Power of Connection Before Correction
Nigerian parenting often emphasizes obedience, but building a strong emotional connection with your child fosters respect and cooperation naturally.
Example
If your toddler refuses to pack their toys, instead of barking orders, connect first:
"Wow, you’ve built a big tower! Can we pack these blocks together so we can build something else tomorrow?"
When children feel connected, they are more likely to listen and cooperate.
Nigerian Wisdom
Think about the communal spirit of Nigerian families. When we feel connected as a family, everyone contributes willingly. Apply the same principle to your relationship with your toddler.
3. Create a Toddler-Friendly Environment
Toddlers are naturally curious, so instead of trying to stop them from exploring, make your home safer and more toddler-friendly.
Real-Life Example
If your toddler keeps opening kitchen cabinets, childproof them or designate one safe cabinet with plastic bowls they can explore. This reduces the need for constant "No!"
Nigerian Context
In many Nigerian homes, fragile items like glassware are displayed in the living room. To avoid constant battles, consider rearranging such items until your toddler is older.
4. The Role of Empathy in Positive Discipline
Teaching empathy is a cornerstone of positive discipline. Toddlers may not yet understand how their actions affect others, but you can guide them.
Scenario
If your toddler snatches a toy from a friend, don’t just say, "Don’t do that!" Instead, explain, "Your friend was playing with that. Let’s ask for a turn." Then role-play asking politely.
Cultural Tie-In
Nigerian proverbs like "A person is a person because of other people" emphasize empathy and community. Use this wisdom to teach your toddler kindness and respect for others.
5. Set Boundaries with Love
Boundaries are essential for toddlers, but how you set them matters. Instead of enforcing rules with threats or punishments, communicate them calmly and clearly.
Practical Tip
If your toddler keeps running into the street, don’t just yell, "Stop that!" Explain why:
"The road is dangerous because cars drive fast. Let’s play safely in the compound."
Consistency is Key
In Nigeria, we sometimes hear, "Don’t let your child ‘overdo.’" This often leads to inconsistent enforcement of rules. But for boundaries to work, you must be consistent. If bedtime is 8 p.m., stick to it.
6. Use Positive Language
How we talk to our toddlers shapes their behavior. Instead of focusing on what they shouldn’t do, guide them toward what they should do.
Examples
- Instead of "Don’t run!" say, "Let’s walk slowly."
- Instead of "Stop yelling!" say, "Use your calm voice, please."
Nigerian Tone
Imagine saying, "Oya, my pikin, let’s do this gently." The tone is soft but still authoritative, aligning with positive discipline principles.
7. Handling Tantrums Like a Pro
Tantrums are a natural part of toddlerhood, but they can test your patience, especially in public.
Steps to Manage Tantrums
- Stay Calm: Nigerian parents often say, "Patience is a virtue." Apply this when your toddler is in meltdown mode.
- Acknowledge Feelings: Say, "I see you’re upset because you wanted the biscuit. It’s okay to feel sad.
- Set Limits: "We can’t have the biscuit now, but we can have one after lunch."
- Offer Comfort: Sometimes, a hug can work wonders.
Cultural Context
In Nigerian markets, onlookers might suggest, "Give the child what they want." Resist the temptation to give in if it undermines your rules. Stand firm but kind.
8. Encourage Independence with Support
Toddlers crave independence but still need your guidance. Allow them to try tasks themselves, even if it takes longer.
Scenario
If your toddler insists on dressing themselves, let them try. Offer help only when needed. Celebrate their efforts: "You put on your shoes all by yourself! Well done!"
Nigerian Context
We often hear, "Children should not rush to grow up." While this is true, encouraging small acts of independence builds confidence.
9. Make Discipline a Teaching Opportunity
Every misbehavior is an opportunity to teach. Instead of punishment, focus on helping your child learn from their mistakes.
Scenario
If your toddler spills juice on the floor, involve them in cleaning it up. Say, "Spills happen. Let’s clean this together."
10. Involve Family Members in Positive Discipline
In many Nigerian homes, discipline isn’t just the responsibility of the parents. Aunties, uncles, and grandparents often step in. Educate them about positive discipline to ensure consistency.
Example
Instead of allowing an aunt to scold your child harshly, explain, "We’re teaching them gently so they understand better. Let’s guide them together."
11. Reward Efforts, Not Outcomes
Toddlers thrive on encouragement. However, focus on rewarding their efforts rather than the results.
Scenario
If your toddler tries to draw but ends up with scribbles, say, "I love how hard you worked on this! Tell me about your drawing."
Avoid Bribes
Instead of saying, "I’ll buy you ice cream if you behave," say, "When you behave well, we all feel happy. Let’s celebrate with a treat later."
12. Take Care of Yourself
Parenting toddlers is exhausting, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. Taking care of yourself ensures you have the patience and energy to implement positive discipline.
Self-Care Ideas
- Take short breaks when needed.
- Share responsibilities with your partner or other family members.
- Join a parenting group to share experiences and advice.
Nigerian Wisdom
Remember the saying, "It takes a village to raise a child." Don’t hesitate to lean on your village when you need help.
13. Stories, Proverbs, and Songs as Tools
In Nigerian culture, storytelling is a powerful teaching tool. Use this tradition to teach values and correct behavior.
Example
Tell a story about a wise tortoise who learned to share. Relate it to your toddler’s behavior, saying, "Sharing makes everyone happy, just like in the story."
Songs like "Clean up, clean up, everybody do your share" can make routines fun and engaging.
14. Keep Growing as a Parent
Positive discipline is a journey, not a one-time fix. Be willing to learn, adapt, and grow alongside your child.
Nigerian Context
Parenting is dynamic. Just as we’ve adapted to technology and modern lifestyles, we can adapt to new parenting approaches while preserving our cultural values.
Conclusion
Positive discipline is about guiding toddlers with love, respect, and understanding. It’s about teaching them to make good choices, even when no one is watching. As Nigerian parents, we can blend the warmth and wisdom of our culture with modern techniques to raise confident, empathetic, and responsible children.
Parenting is not a sprint; it’s a marathon. Be patient with yourself and your child. With consistency and love, you’ll build a strong foundation for your toddler to thrive. Remember, you are their first teacher, role model, and safe space. You’ve got this!