Teaching manners isn’t always smooth sailing, especially when kids exhibit challenging behaviors like tantrums, stubbornness, or outright defiance. Here are strategies to handle such moments without being overbearing.
1. Stay Calm and Collected
Children often mirror your emotional state. If they’re acting out and you respond with anger, it can escalate the situation. Instead, stay calm. For example, if your child refuses to greet someone, gently say, “It’s polite to greet people. Let’s try that again.”
2. Acknowledge Their Feelings
Sometimes, bad behavior stems from frustration or tiredness. If your child is upset, acknowledge their feelings before correcting them. Say, “I know you’re upset right now, but we still need to be respectful.” This approach shows empathy while reinforcing the importance of manners.
3. Use Time-Outs Strategically
Time-outs can be helpful if used sparingly and with purpose. If your child is being rude, calmly explain why their behavior is unacceptable and ask them to take a moment to think about their actions. Follow up with a discussion on how they could handle the situation better next time.
4. Avoid Overreacting
It’s important not to make every slip-up a big issue. Pick your battles wisely. For example, if they forget to say “thank you,” use it as a teaching moment rather than scolding them.
Teaching Age-Appropriate Manners
Manners can be taught at any age, but the approach should vary depending on the child’s developmental stage.
For Toddlers (1–3 years)
At this age, children are just beginning to understand social interactions. Keep it simple and repetitive.
Teach basic phrases like “please” and “thank you.”
- Use visual aids, such as picture books about manners.
- Praise them enthusiastically when they remember to use polite words.
For Preschoolers (4–6 years)
Children at this age can grasp more complex concepts, such as sharing and taking turns.
- Encourage them to greet people with eye contact.
- Role-play different scenarios, like how to behave at a friend’s house.
- Teach table manners, such as using a napkin and chewing with their mouth closed.
For School-Age Kids (7–12 years)
Older kids are ready for deeper lessons on empathy and respect.
- Discuss the impact of their actions on others.
- Encourage them to write thank-you notes for gifts.
- Teach them how to politely disagree without being rude.
For Teenagers (13+ years)
Teenagers can sometimes push boundaries, but this is also the age where they can fully understand the importance of good manners.
- Focus on real-world etiquette, such as respectful communication in group settings or online interactions.
- Encourage them to practice good manners in professional settings, like job interviews or volunteering opportunities.
- Lead by example; teens are quick to notice hypocrisy.
Involving Schools and Communities
Teaching manners isn’t just a task for parents—it’s a community effort. Schools, religious institutions, and neighborhood interactions can play a big role.
1. Collaborate with Teachers
Teachers spend a significant amount of time with your child, making them key partners in teaching manners.
- Attend parent-teacher meetings to discuss behavioral goals.
- Encourage teachers to include social skills as part of the curriculum.
- Reinforce what they learn at school at home.
2. Leverage Religious and Cultural Gatherings
In Nigeria, religious settings like church or mosque are great platforms to teach respect.
- Encourage your child to participate in youth groups, where they can practice teamwork and empathy.
- Use these gatherings to highlight the value of politeness and humility.
3. Engage with Extended Family
Nigerian culture emphasizes the role of the extended family in raising children. Grandparents, uncles, and aunties can all help instill manners.
- Let them spend time with elders who can share wisdom and stories about respect.
- Encourage them to greet and interact with relatives during family events.
Encouraging Gratitude and Kindness
Manners go hand in hand with gratitude and kindness. Teaching these values ensures your child grows up to be empathetic and thoughtful.
1. Practice Gratitude Daily
Make gratitude a daily habit. For example:
- During bedtime, ask your child to name three things they’re thankful for.
- Show them how to express gratitude for small gestures, like someone holding a door open for them.
2. Teach the Joy of Giving
Encourage your child to give back to others, whether it’s through sharing toys or donating to charity.
- Involve them in community service activities, such as helping out at a local orphanage.
- Let them experience the joy of making someone else happy.
3. Reward Kindness
When your child goes out of their way to help someone, acknowledge and praise their effort. For instance, if they comfort a friend who’s upset, say, “That was very kind of you. I’m proud of how thoughtful you are.”
Real-Life Scenarios: Applying Manners in Different Contexts
At Home
The home is the first place children learn manners. Create an environment that encourages respect and kindness.
- Greet each other every morning and evening.
- Teach them to respect personal space and knock before entering a room.
- Encourage them to help with chores and thank each other for their contributions.
At School
School is where children interact with peers and authority figures. Teach them to:
- Listen when the teacher is speaking.
- Share and take turns during group activities.
- Stand up for themselves respectfully when faced with disagreements.
In Public
Public settings offer great opportunities to practice manners. Teach your child to:
- Say “excuse me” when passing through a crowd.
- Speak in a calm voice instead of shouting.
- Keep public spaces clean and avoid littering.
Conclusion
Teaching manners is a journey that requires patience, creativity, and consistency. As Nigerian parents, we have the added responsibility of preserving our cultural values while preparing our children to thrive in a modern world.
By leading by example, explaining the “why,” and creating opportunities for practice, you can instill good manners without being overbearing. Remember, the goal isn’t perfection but progress. Celebrate every small victory and remain steadfast in your efforts.
In the end, you’re not just raising polite children; you’re shaping compassionate, respectful adults who will carry these values into every aspect of their lives. Keep going—you’re doing a great job!